It’s been a very long time since I last updated my blog. Mostly because I couldn’t remember my password but also because I wanted some time to develop my non drinking self.
It’s been hard, I won’t lie and pretend that sobriety is easy. I’ve passed through two full summers and been to concerts, barbeques and get togethers where alcohol has flowed – though not into my cup. I’ve been really angry at the world for dealing me this shitty hand of addiction and I needed some time to wait for the anger to evaporate.
However, by far the hardest thing I’ve had to do in these last two years, is to forgive myself. I was just reading over my entries early on in sobriety and there are a few to do with shameful flashbacks. Well those sodding flashbacks lasted a good few months, and boy oh boy, did I have some guilt to deal with. Eventually, I forgave myself for my past mistakes and gradually the flashbacks faded. I still have the odd one but I don’t feel terrible and hate myself anymore. I think also because an element of self obsession over my past has faded, those awful decision making moments are no longer pivotal to who I am and who I’ve become. The last two years of good decision making has begun to erase the pain and the shame, just as many people assured me it would.
It’s good to read over my early posts and see how far I’ve come. I’ve never ceased to be as proud of myself as I am for stopping drinking. I hope everyone on this path feels the same way about themselves.
Finding My Freedom 